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    Love Letters

    We had a whirlwind romance, then he got ‘confused’

    I fell fast for a transfer student from Italy. But now he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend.

    Catch Season 2 of the Love Letters podcast: How do you meet someone? Subscribe here: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Other

    Q. I’m in college. I met a guy, a transfer student from Italy, and fell for him instantly. We had a whirlwind romance for about three weeks. We spent every minute together; he would take me on dates, kiss me in front of everyone, etc. He said he did not want a serious girlfriend right now, but asked me to go to his sports practices, and never seemed comfortable with me going to lunch with other guys (I went anyway).

    I asked him what we were, and he said his feelings for me keep growing and getting stronger, and that he does not want a serious girlfriend right now because he just came to America. We went from basically living together to not really any sort of contact. He said he was confused and needed time to think. He also said it would be better if we stopped hooking up, because I explained it wasn’t something I would like if we were not in a relationship. Whenever I see him, he gives me a huge hug hello and touches my face and then we go our ways. Do you think he will ever decide if he wants to be in a serious relationship with me? Or should I just move on? — Whirlwind

    A. It sounds like it’s time to move on. Yes, he told you he needed time to think, but he didn’t ask you to wait around for an answer. He’s made it clear that you’re no longer in a relationship. With the exception of those huge hugs, he’s really tried to avoid any ambiguity. No more hookups. No more partnership. He hasn’t gone back on any of that.


    It’s disappointing . . . but that’s where he is. He’s trying to build his life and wants to be single while he does it. It was an important three weeks, but the timing was off.

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    You might not want to hear this, but something tells me you wouldn’t have been able to keep up with the relationship anyway. You wanted freedom at lunch time. You might not have been ready to spend 24-7 with someone you just met. Whirlwind romances are very exciting — but they’re only sustainable if they can slow down without stopping. — Meredith


    Be grateful that the guy was honest with you instead of playing games. Let him go, for now. But, never say never; he may call one day a year or two from now. Maybe you will have moved on and have no interest in meeting up.   GONETOTHEDOGS39

    I don’t know if she has to be grateful, but let’s face it, the guy told her what he wanted (nothing). So many writers are trying to figure out what the other person meant. Listen to the guy. He doesn’t even want to hook up anymore. Nothing to see here.   ASH

    Is face touching a thing? FINNFANN


    In the movies. Think George Clooney.  GONETOTHEDOGS39

    Streisand and Redford. LUCILLEVANPELT

    Is this the first Italian from Italia that you’ve met more than once? A warm and demonstrative greeting is quite standard among friends, family, and acquaintances. I appreciate you want to read something significant into him hugging you and touching your face, but more significant is the absence of a kiss on the cheek when he greets you. AULDYIN

    Three weeks is not enough time to know if you *want* it to continue.  ORGANFAILURE818

    Get Season 2 of Meredith Goldstein’s Love Letters podcast now at or wherever you listen. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from Send letters to