Where were you when “Cats” destroyed the best minds of our generation?
The first trailer for Universal’s big-budget adaptation of the Broadway musical arrived Thursday, so collectively traumatizing Twitter that actor-comedian Seth MacFarlane may have summed it up best by posting a gif of Stewie from “Family Guy” rocking back and forth in silent horror.
Stewie just saw the ?Cats? trailer. pic.twitter.com/vNuYqa1TLl— Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane) July 19, 2019
Most negative reactions to the first look at “Les Misérables” director Tom Hooper’s latest movie-musical focused on its use of so-called “digital fur technology” to create uncanny cat-human hybrids.
In the trailer, actors like Jennifer Hudson, Taylor Swift, and James Corden are covered head-to-toe in a weirdly form-fitting layer of fur and given pointy ears. The results, as many were quick to note online, are unnerving while begging more questions than they answer.
Among the most pertinent: Why? What? How? Who did this to Dame Judi Dench? Are some cats wearing the fur of other cats? If so, did they kill those other cats to wear their skin like ghoulish trophies? Does this mean, unlike “The Lion King,” “Cats” will be brutally accurate in its depiction of feline societal dynamics? Also, wait a minute, why do they have visible breasts? Why are their tails coming out of their rear ends? Are the cats all that small? How much did this thing cost?
“I don’t know what I expected from ‘Cats’ ’ ‘digital fur technology’ but the short answer is NOT this,” entertainment journalist Kristy Puchko wrote on Twitter. “My brain has melted. My eyes are bleeding. There is no god.”
Some compared the trailer to Mike Myers’s ill-fated 2003 “Cat in the Hat” movie, while others referenced the upcoming “Sonic the Hedgehog” film so roundly castigated after its first trailer that director Jeff Fowler later went online to announce producers were pushing back the release date to “fix” the character design.
Other savvy Twitter users decided to provide their own soundtracks to the “Cats” trailer. Comedian Ian Abramson discovered one song that perfectly synched up: the remix of ’90s hip-hop classic “I Got 5 on It” used in Jordan Peele’s doppelganger freakout “Us.”
Peele himself approved the dub, retweeting it while simply writing, “Yes.”
Another popular edit, from MTV News social director Bob Marshall, saw a discordant theme from last year’s sci-fi pic “Annihilation” play over the trailer, with ominous results.
The 'Cats' trailer but with the 'Annihilation' score pic.twitter.com/MIFUsjylzR— Bob Marshall (@bobmarshall) July 18, 2019
Not all responses to the trailer were as damning.
“It’s not ‘Cats’ if it’s not tacky,” wrote critic K. Austin Collins on Twitter. “Frankly I could use more kitsch!! This is Andrew Lloyd Webber baby.”
Added filmmaker Josh Raby: “Listen, that CATS trailer is bonkers, and we need more bonkers, I regret to inform you: I dug it.”
“ ‘Cats’ had better be 3-D,” offered New York Times writer Kyle Buchanan. “I want to fear them.”
Louis Virtel, cohost of the “Keep It” podcast, voiced his (tongue-in-cheek) confusion on Twitter, writing, “I don’t know why you’re all freaking out over miniature yet huge cats with human celebrity faces and sexy breasts performing a demented dream ballet for kids.”
I don't know why you're all freaking out over miniature yet huge cats with human celebrity faces and sexy breasts performing a demented dream ballet for kids.— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) July 18, 2019
It’s true that the plot of “Cats” doesn’t exactly lend itself to a “normal” film adaptation.
“Please stop saying the plot of Cats is confusing,” tweeted Buzzfeed’s Louis Peitzman. “The plot of Cats is that they’re cats and they introduce themselves until one of them gets permission to die.”
Please stop saying the plot of Cats is confusing. The plot of Cats is that they're cats and they introduce themselves until one of them gets permission to die.— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) July 18, 2019
Take a look at some other online reactions below. “Cats” opens Dec. 20.
it has been one full hour since I saw the CATS (2019) trailer and this is the image that will haunt me pic.twitter.com/98Ej35v8v5— Christina Grace (@C_GraceT) July 18, 2019
Technology has only evolved so one day Taylor Swift could become an actual cat. pic.twitter.com/mZKKNZ4Rv0— Alex Goldschmidt (@alexandergold) July 18, 2019
therapist: the james cordon cat isn't real. he can't hurt you.— david (@Ioversdiscourse) July 18, 2019
the james cordon cat: pic.twitter.com/toFWTiTccm
I showed Pancake the Cats trailer and then she put herself in a drawer. pic.twitter.com/QCST5w4IJA— Sarah (@Cinesnark) July 19, 2019
trying to identify the most upsetting frame from the new CATS trailer and this might be it pic.twitter.com/506eakNhFo— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) July 18, 2019
You all keep saying the names of people who are in this film. How were they convinced to do this and how is it possible even they couldn?t... make this less weird?— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) July 18, 2019
Imagine being a human in that world and your cat looks like this pic.twitter.com/QJLM145Zcu— alanna bennett (@AlannaBennett) July 18, 2019
I already believe in bad ideas. https://t.co/CxgsBy7oDm— Scott Weinberg (@scottEweinberg) July 18, 2019