Voting for Joe Biden is like settling down and getting married to the person you were forced to dance with, at a party in elementary school, so they wouldn't feel left out. . . and, now you're both 75.
— Genie Lauren (@MoreAndAgain) July 8, 2019
find me a man who's as committed as warren's team is at sending me 382039481 emails a day
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) July 9, 2019
It?s true. I?m running for president. pic.twitter.com/u8x2lZah7Z
— Tom Steyer (@TomSteyer) July 9, 2019
Christ can't just one rich dude try being Batman instead https://t.co/K829DZBUWY
— Fiddler (@cFidd) July 9, 2019
Speaking to a lady in the Florida panhandle about the confederate flag. She said she didn?t see anything wrong with it, called it her heritage. I said Germans could say the same thing about the Nazi flag. She said, ?but they lost the war.?
— Janet Johnson (@JJohnsonLaw) July 8, 2019
it's a really good thing that Jeffrey Epstein was just a rich white man trafficking and molesting dozens if not hundreds of teenage girls over a span of decades, and not, say, a black man selling loose cigarettes on a street corner, because there are serious consequences for that
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) July 8, 2019
Amazon and Microsoft are battling for a $10B prize to build the U.S. military its first "war cloud." The project would store and process vast amounts of classified data, allowing the Pentagon to use artificial intelligence to speed up its war planning. https://t.co/BbWsRBnY9z
— The Associated Press (@AP) July 9, 2019
Amazon, 1999: A book store, but online!
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) July 9, 2019
Amazon, 2019: WE WANT TO BUILD SOMETHING CALLED A ?WAR CLOUD.? https://t.co/kFUE1klDJ4
do u ever just smart off to ur dog in a nice voice like ?who?s a virgin who can?t drive? WHO?S a virgin who can?t drive?
— Brianna Shrum (@BriannaShrum) July 9, 2019
hippopotamus plural personalities
— Eric Weiskott (@ericweiskott) July 9, 2019
HIPPOPOTAMUSES : rule-follower
HIPPOPOTAMUS : minimalist
HIPPOPOTAMI : pretentious
HIPPOPOTAMOI : ?I studied Greek?
HIPPOS : skinny jeans
Boston is finally free. Free of Boston Market rotisserie chicken franchises. pic.twitter.com/gTm3jOmhcp
— Mike Deehan (@deehan) July 8, 2019
My child has jumped out of the stroller, taken her shirt off, put shorts on her head and is marching next to me chanting ?I am in charge of my body!? I am proud but very tired.
— Matt Bors (@MattBors) July 11, 2019
I?ve been pressing my friends about this: use your sick AND vacation days if you have them. Call out of work. Capitalism will survive without you and the guilt you feel about it isn?t real. Rest. Go to the beach.
— Chairman Eeeeeoooooow! (@Katchin05) July 10, 2019