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    Tweets of the Week: Trump at the Olive Garden, #MeToo Advice, and Praise for Papi

    Liz Noftle

    Capitalism: Have fun starving under communism LOL.

    Also capitalism: STOP buying sandwiches if you want to retire before 75.
    @jesusdrogas

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    When your government tells you it’s illegal to give water to a child dying of thirst in a desert, your civilization has crumbled. —@DavisTrev2

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    Trump is the type of guy who walks out of an Olive Garden bragging that he negotiated endless breadsticks into the price of the meal. —@EvilBobJ

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    Don’t invite people to the BBQ that wouldn’t invite you to the country club. —@BrandonLBradfor

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    Men: Me Too has gone so far that now I’m afraid to mentor women.

    Women: (walking to their cars at night looking over their shoulders with mace in one hand and and their keys laced through their fingers like Wolverine in the other) Wow it must be so scary to be a man these days. —@OhNoSheTwitnt

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    There are a few simple rules I follow when mentoring a woman in the Me Too era:

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    Don’t insist she sits in my lap as I show her how to conduct a task.

    Don’t give her a breast massage to put her at ease while she performs a new task.

    Keep my trousers on during training sessions. —@IainGibson2

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    Six years ago, David Ortiz’s spirit and resolve helped us all begin to heal from the Boston Marathon bombing. Today, I want to join many others in wishing him a speedy recovery of his own. Get well soon, Papi. —@BarackObama

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    If you’re from Boston, David Ortiz is this demigod figure who is somehow as majestic as he is real. He was a source of wonder and bravado early on and became our rock in a monsoon when tragedy hit us all. This is our [expletive] city and he is our [expletive] champion. —@JaredWeissNBA

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    Nothing is more meaningless than a story written by a D.C. political reporter who parachutes into flyover country for a few days to gauge voter sentiment. It’s like sticking a thermometer into the ocean to predict the weather. —@gnagesh

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    “Running in the morning” is one of those fake habits people tell profile writers, it’s a physical impossibility, only serial killers can do it. —@timothypmurphy

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    So happy Ali Stroker won. Pissed that she had to sit back stage, separated from the audience, because the Tonys wouldn’t build a ramp up to the stage. Accessibility is a non-negotiable human right. #TonyAwards —@sentientfulton

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    Everyone talks about Goofus and Gallant’s differences, but no one talks about how they’ve sustained a relationship for nearly 80 years. #love
    @dankmccoy

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    Whenever I get stuck on the MBTA, I’m briefly tempted to stand up and ask the entire train if they’d vote for a gas tax hike, or whether they think Baker and DeLeo are doing a good job. I’ve never done this, but after today’s Red Line doozy, it might be a neat experiment. #mapoli —@MilesPerHoward

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    When I run into an old friend, and I have no idea what they’ve been up to, I just say, “I love your podcast.” Haven’t been wrong yet. —@fimoculous

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    PSA queen-size beds are good for two people, but even better for one person & a laptop & a pile o books & a half-eaten box of cheez-its—@karencheee